Two days to con, and still no solid idea for a
game to run. Time for a desperation plan. After last year's "Surf
Napoleon must die!" I'd been contemplating another surf-inspired game
- "Papa Smurf don't surf!"
Life is what happens when you had other plans", they say. My plan was to scratch-build a spectacle game, a microscale weird science hybrid tentatively called "Trains, Planes and Sky Galleons".
Well, it didn't happen. Due to a unfortunate email mix-up, I didn't get confirmation from the con organisers until about a month before the event. A month is too little for a working family man to scratch build sky galleons.
Two days to con, and still no solid idea for a
game to run. Time for a desperation plan. After last year's "Surf
Napoleon must die!" I'd been contemplating another surf-inspired game
- "Papa Smurf don't surf!"
It's good to have a name. Names are important, and good names are few and far between. "Papa Smurf" was a good name, but I had little else to go on. Time to check the game shelf. Game shelves, plural.
I like small press games. They're fun and kind of innocent. They're also typically very short - and thus quick to learn - lack dozens of add-ons, and they're cheap. They also have a fair share of rough edges, but that comes with the territory. I buy a lot of small press games that I never actually play. Ok, so I buy a lot of games that I never actually play, period. But small press is close to my heart.
I pick up Gomi Designs' Abduction! which is actually about little gray men bent on collecting specimen for their biology class. Read through the rules, looks excellent for some smurfy action. Now I only need some figures.
A call to a friend secures me a selection of smurfs. Now I only
need their opponents. Something suitably corny is in order... plastic
army men! I drive to the local toy shop to buy some. Except they don't
sell plastic soldiers anymore. They sell "Combat Peace Fighters"
instead. Look remarkably like the plastic soldiers I had as a kid,
though...
I'm too busy at work to take the Friday off, so I miss the con opening. No big deal, normally very little happens on Friday anyway. I finally manage to get to the con late in the evening to secure my worker pass and table reservation.
Should have guessed. My name's not on the "arbeit macht frei biljetter" list, like last year. And the year before that. And... finally they found the Master of Miniatures and I got my free pass. Then to the next hurdle of trying to find my reserved table. None to be found, of course. I decided to simply take the table I had last year. Given the way the organisation seemed to be handled, the con would be over before someone could find enough authority to evict me. Besides, being an old and nearly forgotten RPG hobby guru can be more rewarding than being just a RPG hobby guru.
Saturday morning. The minute I lay down the green felt someone asks me how many points it's going to be. Painful reminder that I yet again forgot that Warhammer is the only miniatures game there is. A bit like Dungeons & Dragons is the only RPG there is, at least to people who don't know any better.
I get the gear unloaded, and it starts. Yes, they really are smurfs. Most conversations stay at that level. The morning is really quiet. The crowd is sparse and somewhat tired. I fail to get anyone interested in the game. Bummer. Remind me to bring a collaborator next year. It is infinitely easier to get new players to join a game that is already going than it is to get players to an empty table. I end up killing time writing little FAQ sheets and this report. A Psion 5 is nice to have, don't buy that "no keyboard required" crap - especially if you speak a minority language with national characters.
I leave the table to listen to the guest of honour speeches. This
year they have have Mike Pondsmith and Rick Priestley - two examples
of game designers who love designing games more than making money at
it. Mike has down-sized R.Talsorian Games and Rick published Warhammer
Ancient Battles, which will probably lose him money. Great game, but
compared to the prospect of putting out a new Warhammer Fantasy or 40K
book, financially a rather dumb move - especially with your own money.
[Editor's note: It has turned out rather well, actually. But ofcourse
not on the level of WarSpamster.]
Mike talks a lot about competing with video games. I must admit that these days I spend more time with video games than with roleplaying or miniatures. Quite simply because of the virtually nil set up time, and lack of need for human opponents. And I'm a gaming fanatic! I agree with Mike, unless we can address these issues, our hobby is going to be even smaller niche than it already is.
Unless your game happens to be Warhammer... of which Rick spoke very little. Interesting anecdotes about archaeology, pain and weird British cars, though. And trees...
Some lunch and back to the
table. No line of eager players waiting, but luckily I manage to get
some friends to play. The game is fun, but I think the scenario we're
using is a bit lopsided. The smurfs have time on their side, so they
decide to sit in the nearest cover and slaughter all Combat Peace
Fighters who venture too near. As a final insult, their pickup beam
captures the enemy leader...
The game's ok except for a few spots. The combat is just a tad too complex for snap arithmetics, and the regrouping rule is unnecessarily cumbersome. I also fail to see the lasting appeal in this, but that's not the idea...
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Copyright 2003-2021 Mikko Kurki-Suonio
Sucks!
